


Danganronpa then: The Desperate 'IF' and the Thin Line Between Hope and Despair

by blivveries



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Gen, POV First Person, with third person makoto for a moment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-20 05:10:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8237249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blivveries/pseuds/blivveries
Summary: When a dazed Makoto Naegi wakes up locked inside a school with thirteen other students, he can't shake the fear building within him... And that fear is truly realized when he discovers a mysterious fifteenth student, one with no name and no memory, passed out at the site of the entrance ceremony. This meeting would change the course of the world's future... IF they were ready to meet that future.A scenario in which the events of Danganronpa IF ended in failure, and the mastermind made good on their promise.





	1. Welcome To...?

The world is full of _if_ s.

 _IF_ Adam hadn't joined with Eve, society would never have been born. _IF_ a certain person hadn't decided despair should rule, perhaps this girl's situation wouldn't be so dire.

And... if she had never... failed...

...

_I... failed...?_

Everything was swirling, colors in her mind bleeding and blending. _Wait, what did I fail to do...? How did I fail? Who did I fail? ...Something about a person's despair? Who? What person?_

_And... what was supposed to happen if I 'failed'...?_

_It was... something about..._

_About my... My..._

Darkness.

* * *

Well, now, well now, well now well now _well now_.

Isn't this fascinating? Of all the outcomes, certainly this was the one I least expected, and therefore the most thrilling. The Ultimate Lucky Student utilized his 'talent', a talent I was very interested to see in action, to break my little game in half, brutally throwing it into chaos.

And I loved the absolute _shit_ out of it. Like, seriously?! Fuck, man, who knew that remembering a little of the trash I wiped from his memory would completely screw everything! But it's totally what happened, and even I couldn't see it coming, so you know it's fucking awesome! Right when I was gonna make a move and try and kick things up a notch on my own, he jumped in and did it for me! Thanks, dumbshit!

And then you know what? Something even more exciting happened! HE pulled HER into action! Yup, that super-disappointing little girl I almost killed ended up turning riiiiight back around and standing against me! It was kinda cute, really! Guess that's what love, stupidity, and smelliness does to ya! But it's too bad! 'Cuz when I'm serious, I mean it! And when I mean it, I can get pretty serious! So I gave her a chance to beat me once and for all, and...

And...

...Never mind. This is actually super-boring. Ughhhhh. But it's her fault. I told her exactly what I was going to do, exactly what would happen if she messed it up... And she still messed it up. It was so lame to watch... And it looked like it hurt, too. To see her in pain like that... Yeah, it gave me so much despair. But when I realized that her failing meant we'd just be going back to the original plan, like nothing ever happened...

...It was just disappointing. No despair at all. Like I said, boring, right? But hey, I just have to make the best of it. It's not like it's the exact same plan all over again... Now there's something I'm liking even more in the mix.

Puhu. _Puhuhu..._

Maybe for once, completely by accident... you won't disappoint me, Mukuro.

Good luck, sis. I'm _counting on you_.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short start to what will hopefully become a VERY long project


	2. Despair Arrives

"So all of you woke up here the same way I did...?"

"That's right," Sayaka Maizono replied. "Everyone here lost consciousness, and then woke up somewhere in the school..."

Makoto Naegi rubbed his head. So many strange things had happened recently that he'd really started to lose track of what a 'normal' situation was. Well...

In order... he'd accidentally stopped a prolific thief and attempted murderer (of him); received a letter of acceptance to Hope's Peak, the greatest school in Japan, by grounds of being _lucky_ ; passed out the moment he stepped into the entrance hall; woken up in a random classroom; and, now, met up with the other students of his year to learn they'd experienced the same things. Er, they'd experienced the last _two_ things, that is. Makoto sincerely doubted anyone could match the full, insane story he had.

"It's so strange... and a little scary..." Sayaka clenched a fist over her heart. It was... well, Makoto definitely felt a little of her fear flowing into him.

"That's not the only strange thing about our situation, either!" bellowed Kiyotaka Ishimaru, his fists clenched as well— though his were aggressively raised rather than held close, as though he was trying to look powerful and intimidating. "The entire student body of Hope's Peak Academy has vanished!"

"It is as Taka said," mused Sakura Ogami. She stepped forward, her massive figure and firm voice drawing all attention to her. "I have seen no other students here, or even any others in general. It's as if the fourteen students in our group are the only people in this entire building."

"And fourteen sounds slightly _off_ , wouldn't you say?"

Eyes turned to Hifumi Yamada, one of the larger individuals in the room, though for a very different reason than his powerful peer.

"I mean, it's an even number, so we would all be accounted for if we were paired off with each other—" (Celestia Ludenberg gagged silently yet exaggeratedly from behind him) "—but it feels to me like there ought to be an odd one out among us..."

Makoto couldn't help but idly nod in agreement, despite the... odd way Hifumi made his point. Wasn't there another person he'd read about the night before...?

"That's right! I _do_ think there's someone else I haven't seen yet..."

"Oh? Does Mr. Naegi know our answer?"

"It was... the Ultimate Fashionista, wasn't it?" he said. "Junko Enoshima."

Any idle musings died down at the sound of the name, and silence held for the briefest of moments before being broken by a small smack.

"Hey, yeah, I _did_ hear she would be coming!" Aoi Asahina had brought her fist down upon her palm, as though she was coming to Makoto's conclusion all on her own. "But she hasn't shown up. What's that all about?"

"She's the Ultimate Fashionista, yeah?" mused a still-at-ease Yasuhiro Hagakure. "So maybe she's helping out with this whole entrance ceremony, and there's gonna be, like, fashionable costumes and stuff! See? I'm telling you all it makes sense!"

"Is that supposed to be a comfort?"

"What the heck?"

"Don't make me repeat myself," snapped Byakuya Togami haughtily, stepping forward both to face the clairvoyant and to stand in the center of the group— Makoto couldn't help but wonder if he had practice with such things. "If she was approached to assist with an entrance ceremony, she's complicit in organizing our situation. Meaning she's our _enemy_."

"E-enemy...? That's a strong w-word..."

If Makoto hadn't been standing near Toko Fukawa at the time, he never would have heard her speaking. Oddly enough, Byakuya noticed her, too.

"Quiet, you."

And just as Toko squeaked into silence, it happened.

The room became overcome with a nauseating noise, emitting from the speakers and reverberating off the walls, bouncing off the bulkhead, echoing throughout the room. Makoto clapped his hands over his ears, as did several other students; some merely winced, while a few doubled over on the spot.

"Whoops, ah... testing, testing? I do hope I didn't blast your eardrums with that feedback and you can all, er, still hear me. Or hear at all!"

The voice was cheerful, unnaturally so.

"This is why I should test the school broadcast system more often, huh? No matter how many times you try the same thing over and over, there's always a chance it might break!"

As if it was wholly disconnected from the bizarre situation.

"Anyway, can everyone _heeeeeear_ me now? Okay, well then...! To all incoming students— I would like to begin the entrance ceremony at... right now!"

"See, man? I told you!"

"Please make your way to the gymnasium at your _earliest_ convenience!" the voice trilled, heedless of Hiro. "Oh, and before I forget... you'd best not dawdle around."

Makoto looked up, and only now did he realize the monitor in the room had turned on to reveal a dreadful silhouette, imposed against a sharp red sigil.

"After all," the voice continued darkly, "she's waiting for you."

And the screen died with a snap.

"...Shall we?" Kyoko Kirigiri spoke plainly. "No sense in delaying it."

Byakuya was already out the door.

* * *

"Who's waiting for us...?"

"Gotta be Junko, right? 'Sgotta be." Hiro flicked at his nose as he strolled carefree down the hallway toward the gym.

"I know," Makoto mused, "but something still seems kind of off..."

"We'll know when we get there." Kyoko's arms hadn't unfolded themselves since the small troupe had left.

"Is everything here gonna be a pain in the ass like this? Maybe I oughta just drop out and head back home." Leon Kuwata scratched at the back of his head. "You gotta ask yourself if it's worth it, yanno?"

"But if you graduate this school, you'll be successful for sure, right?" The nervousness in Chihiro Fujisaki's voice was plain as day. "Would you really throw that away...?"

"To save my dignity? Hell yeah," Leon growled, grabbing the door to the trophy room and yanking it open—

"'HEY!"

The shout from within almost sent Leon physically reeling. With a glance at Kyoko, Makoto dashed inside after the star.

"Shit," Mondo Owada roared, a fire in his eyes that could have burned someone alive, "there's still people draggin' their asses?"

"Y-yeah, there are a few others—"

Makoto's sentence was cut short as he was knocked to the side, Mondo galloping past him, his hollering fading down the hall. The crushing dread welling up in the boy's stomach began to boil.

"Let's go." Kyoko's voice rang sharp and clear, leading the way into the gymnasium.

The scene before Makoto was as jarring in its presentation as everything else he'd seen at this school. Really, the room _was_ set up like your usual entrance ceremony, with several folding chairs assembled facing the far stage; several people had already gathered, but no one had taken a seat. Instead, all were standing in the center aisle formed by the seats, and only when Makoto stepped forward did he realize why: they were standing _around_ something...

A girl, lying limp on the ground front and center before the stage.


	3. My Prologue to Despair

Pain.

The first thing I felt when my senses returned was a dull pain across my back. More feelings gradually made themselves known: the idea that I was lying on some cold surface, the subtle smell of waxing, the brightness and artificiality of the light outside my eyelids, the subdued tangle of nervous voices I didn't recognize… but there throughout all of it was the pain, growing and growing until I couldn't help but let a low groan escape me.

“She's awake!”

The voice was practically atop me, and had a certain tone of relief that seemed to force its way into my own mind, helping me calm. Finding the strength to do so, I opened my eyes and was greeted with the sight I had supposed: a gymnasium, and people fussing around nearby. What dominated my view, though, was the face of the boy in front of me.

I never liked those _describe it with one word_ prompts, but in spite of myself I called the perfect one to mind when I saw his face. _Innocence_. It was clean and unblemished, and none of its features were sharp or severe. As I looked into his soft hazel eyes, the corners of his lips tipped up into a relieved smile.

...Not the worst sight to wake up to.

“I’m glad you're okay! We found you passed out here…”

_Passed out_ … Well, I definitely wouldn’t try falling asleep in a place like this, so that must be what happened. I pushed myself off the floor and into a sitting position, and as I did, the crowd pushed in.

“Oh, thank goodness, she’s awake!” said a blue-haired, wide-eyed girl who had crouched down next to the other boy.

“See? She's all good!”  
“Be careful. Don't get near–”  
“ _I thought she was d-dead…!!_ ”  
“H-hey–!”

They're everywhere. I could barely take in every unique face in front of me before the boy and girl drove them off.

“She only just woke up! Give her space…”

The ring around me expanded until there was a comfortable distance. The two faces turned back to me, both of them gentle.

“Are you okay? Can you stand…?”

Every muscle in my body was sore, but I was able to take the hand offered to me, come to my feet, and keep myself on my feet once they let go. Looking around, I was definitely standing in your average, pristine high-school gym, crowded with people who looked like anything but average high-schoolers.

“...Sorry about this.” I glanced side to side. “I, uh… what's going on…?”

“Like we said, we found you unconscious here. We were told to come here because of the announcement, but we didn't think there were any more people…”

“More?”

“We… we woke up trapped in this school, too.”

Trapped? We're trapped? In a _school_?

“Isn't it the same for you? You arrived at Hope’s Peak, and then you passed out…?”

I was supposed to break the silence that followed that statement… but I couldn’t. My mind had stopped completely. I didn't remember the things they were talking about. I didn't remember anything even close.

Because there was absolutely nothing to remember.

The boy stared nervously. “Um… c-can we at least ask your name…?”

That was an even worse question, with even less of an answer.

“I…”

There was an awful, powerful silence. And all I could do was break it with the stupidest, most horrible thing I could think of that answered the question.

“...I can't… remember.”

“You can't remember…?”

“The hell? Who forgets their _name_?” called a tough-looking guy hanging to the side of the group. Good question, tough-looking guy.

“Amnesia…?!” The girl with the blue hair put a hand to her mouth, shocked.

“Then… might you be our Miss Junko Enoshima?” piped up the fat boy in the back.

“Hell no she isn't, stupid! She doesn't look anything like her!” spat the redhead nearby. “Have you never picked up a magazine in your life? You'd know just by _lookin’!_ ”

“I have no interest in the three-dimensional realm, and as such naturally would not recognize _your_ celebrities!” the boy replied jovially, puffing out his chest (along with the rest of him).

“Dude, back off…”

As the center of conversation swiftly moved to the brewing mess, I took the time to think on what they had called me.

“Junko... Enoshima.”

...I closed my eyes, shaking my head. No use. It meant nothing to me. No sudden epiphany. Not even a sense of dread, the kind that would tell me _hey remember this name for later_ or whatever. Whoever Junko Enoshima was, it wasn't me. Nor were they anyone important to me.

“Are you going to be okay...?”

My eyes opened to find the boy still smiling. I nodded shakily, feeling like it was my instinct to lie.

“My name’s Makoto Naegi. Uh… you should probably get everyone else to introduce themselves, since you don’t know us.”

“Very good, then! I’m _Kiyotaka Ishimaru!!_ ” shouted a fierce boy nearby.

“Hey, maybe don’t yell in her face, man, she just woke up,” said a boy with… a _lot_ of hair… nearby, rubbing his head.

“Aha! That’s true! My apologies!” he said, still quite loudly.

The rest of the introductions were of varying degrees of similar oddity. But throughout all of them, I couldn't even return the simple favor of sharing my name. By the time the last person– a quiet but sharp-seeming girl– gave her name and nothing else, I was hanging my head.

It wasn't my fault I couldn't remember, right? So why did I feel so guilty?

“Are you all finished yet?”

The haughty-looking boy in the back (hey, he didn't introduce himself, did he? What the hell?) called out over the crowd, snatching everyone's attention on the spot.

“If your attention spans are this dull, you won't survive a second at Hope’s Peak. Haven't you noticed that we _should_ have started the entrance ceremony by now?”

Makoto must have noticed my confusion, because he leaned over to whisper to me.

“Do you really not remember anything…?”

I strained to call up whatever I could, to no avail.

“I don't. I'm trying, but… I can't even think of my own name. Or why I'm here, or what I did before I was here, or... I just can't.”

“W-well, um… I could try and help. Maybe if I talk about why _I’m_ here...”

He swallowed, and as the annoying guy with the glasses kept talking about something or other, Makoto instead explained his own situation: how he was coming to Hope's Peak Academy with all of these students with 'talent’, and that he and everyone else was now trapped here… but I could barely connect. Even though I was in the same situation as he was, my memory's vanishing felt like it eclipsed any other problem in the world. As if being locked inside an abandoned school was completely irrelevant as long as my memory was gone…

“...so _why_ has the ceremony not started?”

When I returned my attention to the grandstander (who Makoto named for me), no one had an answer to his question, but it looked as though he didn't expect people to.

“The answer… is that it started with _her_.”

Just as I started to pay attention to everyone else, I flinched as everyone else turned their eyes on me.

“So finding her here was part of our entrance ceremony…?” Sayaka, the girl who helped me earlier, was now glancing back and forth at me with an odd suspicion.

“But what does it mean,” the girl with the over-the-top fake name I couldn't remember said quietly, “to have met her here? It certainly is not… standard.”

“Dude, maybe it's some sort of crazy project for this crazy school!” Yasuhiro, the hair guy, looked as confident in himself as I _didn't_ feel. “Like, we gotta… _learn_ about her over the year, and at the end, we'll know all about her!”

Byakuya’s response of _that's ridiculous_ was intercepted and destroyed by something practically indescribable.

“Sounds right to me!”

A voice that somehow reeked of cheer, malice, deception, and excitement all at once, stewing in itself and slicing through the confusion in the air.

“Hey there, howdy, hello! Is everybody here? _Good! Then let's get things rolling!_ ”

And it was coming from the stage at the far end of the gymnasium. I turned just in time to watch it happen: something shot up from behind the podium, a black-and-white blur spinning almost beautifully in the air before plummeting back down to land perfectly atop the stand. A plush bear, a glowing eye, and a wild grin…

They were the first sign. The sign that things weren't just going to be 'strange’ or 'mysterious’ for me at this school. They were going to be nothing short of 'horrible’.

“Is that a… a teddy bear?” Chihiro squeaked.

“What did I say about fashionable costumes? Man, Junko, you rock!”

“Dumbass, she's _not_ Junko!”

“I'm _not_ a teddy bear.” The red eye of the bear glinted as it interjected. “And this isn’t some costume! _I_ am Monokuma! And _I_ am this school’s headmaster! Nice to meet you all!”

I stood there, blankly staring at the singularity before me. A… stuffed bear. The headmaster of this school.

Wait, this was the headmaster?

“H-hey–”

“Anyways, I let you have a little extra time for introductions, because one of you was oh-so-rude and kept the others waiting, but now it's time to get back on track!”

The bear– Monokuma– hopped down off the stage and walked forward.

“But boy, is this a wonderful moment! I live for the day I take new students under my wing. And you're such a varied little group of rascals, aren't you? So many wonderful talents… Sports, the arts, professions, and…”

It stopped, turning its head sharply toward Makoto and myself.

“...And the two of you, really!” It bounded over as we stepped back in perfect unison. “One of you, chosen as the Ultimate Lucky Student, and the other…”

My breath stopped as that eye drilled into my soul.

“...a complete mystery!”

Blink blink.

“But more on that later! For now, it's officially time to begin your entrance ceremony!”

Yasuhiro whooped, and practically everyone in the room spared him a glance before returning to the walking ball of nonsense that was hopping back onto the stage. So much for information.

“First of all,” it said, turning to face the group once more, “let's talk about your school life here. You talented students all represent the hope of the world. The cream of the delicious crop, as it were! And to make sure that crop isn't tainted by anything terrible, you'll all be living a communal life _solely_ within the walls of this school. You'll have to follow all the rules, listen to what your wonderful headmaster says, and live in harmony with your fellow students! And as for the end date… well…”

If it was pausing for some sort of suggestion, it didn't get one.

“...There isn't one! You'll be living here until the day you die!”

The silence was deafening. Until Aoi gave off the smallest _huh?_ I thought possible.

“Don't panic all at once, now! The Hope's Peak budget is top-notch! We won't be starving you of food _or_ convenience, that's for sure! Even though you're completely cut off from the outside, you'll be sitting pretty in here, so no worries! Those metal plates on the windows are gonna keep you nice and safe from the nasties outside!”

I hadn't seen any metal plates, but judging by Makoto's small gasp, he sure had.

“Plus, they're all soundproof and everything. Feel free to go nuts in here, because nothing leaves!”

“Hey, come on…” Leon was practically laughing. “Even if this _is_ some kinda school thing, it's a pretty bad joke to keep up…”

But Monokuma was undeterred.

“A joke, is it? Dumb skeptics. Well, I guess you'll all see just how much of a joke it is, won't you?”

“Living here f-forever…? Of course it's some kind of s-sick joke… A s-sick joke developed by a sick e-excuse for a headmaster!”

“You don't _actually_ believe its claim of being the headmaster, do you?”

Toko squeaked into silence. That Byakuya has some kind of power…

“Hey, now, you haven't even finished the entrance ceremony! Are you seriously considering leaving already? I mean, there's _one_ way…”

I snapped my attention back. A way to leave… A way out of this school. It wouldn't fix my amnesia, but it would fix the problem of being around this bear. And it seemed that the others around me were locking their focus onto the next few words as well.

“Graduation! And it's not some boring final exam, either! You see, we have some nice, firm little rules in place, don't we? All there to keep the school nice and peaceful. And if someone disrupts that peace, they can earn the right to leave.”

“Disrupt… the peace…?”

My words were breathless.

“For example… if one of you _murdered_ another.”

And my brain locked up.

“Murder?!” Makoto's shout was the only proof I had that time didn't stop in that moment. “What do you mean, murder?!”

“Stabbing! Bludgeoning! Hanging! Burning!” It was practically jumping for joy now. “ _Murdering._ It doesn't matter how, but if any one of you were to kill another student, you may leave. It's as simple as that.”

It's not like my blood froze in my veins, or I suddenly started choking on the very air I was breathing. I was just… stunned. In the realm of possible things that could have been said here, nothing could have helped me comprehend what I had just heard.

I'm trapped in this school. I don't know anyone here. I don't remember who I am. I don't remember anything about myself. And the only clue I have to go on is the idea that murdering someone may be my only escape.

I was breathing heavily, and it felt like an eternity before I could focus on Monokuma's words again.

“...After all… watching hope like yours wither and die creates a shadow of despair. And _that's_ what I find so… _so_ … oh, for Pete's sake.”

As soon as I realized Monokuma was heading straight for me, I stumbled back.

“Well, now! Aren't _you_ feeling so special that you think you can doze off during a speech from the headmaster!”

“N-no, I–”

Why was I bothering?

“Especially since I could have said anything about your little predicament, and you'd never know!”

“Wait, do you know something about her…?”

It wasn't Makoto, but _Kyoko_ that spoke up.

“Of course! I know everything about my darling students! And I know _you're_ wishing your memory was a little better! What a mystery!”

Monokuma danced away, leaving some staring at him and some staring at me.

“Hey, isn't it _strange_ that you would find such a mysterious girl on the first day of your new lives? Maybe it's a sign that she's your destiny… one way or another! But if you ask me, the mystery of this girl is for me to know and you to solve!”

I felt so small. Powerless. As if I was being paraded as Monokuma's plaything, even more than the others. I could feel my fists clench themselves.

“Hey, how 'bout you shut your fuckin’ mouth?” Mondo stepped forward, furious. “Keepin’ this shit from her ain't fuckin’ funny at all! So how 'bout you tell her her shit, let us all go, and _fuck off_?!”

And Monokuma rounded on him.

“You all keep saying that trash! _Let us go, let us go!_ Listen, from this moment on, this school is your entire world! Got it?! And you can all do what you like! Go on a wild killing spree to get yourself out, if that's what you want–”

“So what's the trick?”

Even Monokuma was stopped by the comments of Yasuhiro Hagakure.

“I mean, y'know, the end of the joke! 'Sall a prank, yeah? Don't worry, I get it, even if no one else does!”

“Outta my way.”

Mondo shoved Yasuhiro, who staggered several feet, and fluidly scooped Monokuma up by the neck.

“Waaaaugh! Violence against the headmaster is against school regulations–”

“I don't give a fuck! Let us outta here, or I swear to–”

_beep._

Mondo fell silent. As did Monokuma.

_beep._

“Wh- what's the matter? Ain't got nothin’ to say?”

_beep beep_

“Throw it.”

“Huh?”

_beep beep beep_

“Throw it _now_!”

Mondo did as Kyoko said, throwing Monokuma into the air, and on raw instinct I shielded my eyes.

A shockwave ripped through the room, and a few people screamed in fright. Monokuma, right then and there, exploded in a fiery blast, leaving only the smell of gunpowder in his wake.

“...Is it gone?”

Sayaka’s weak, shaky voice rose in the ringing silence that followed.

“ _That_ was proof I'm not toying with you all.”

And there it was, atop the podium as if nothing had ever happened. Monokuma grinned that malicious grin I already despised.

“You violated a school regulation! I was _going_ to kill you outright, but I felt like it would be nice to give a warning first. Aren't I just the best?”

Mondo was standing there, mouth agape, with no reply.

“Anyway, that about wraps it, huh? This concludes our ever-eventful opening ceremony! Enjoy your wonderfully depressing life here! And… farewell!”

And Monokuma vanished out of sight behind the podium, leaving total silence behind. I tried to use that silence to piece everything together, but my brain wouldn't let me.

“S-so, erm…” Kiyotaka finally cut in. “That certainly just… happened.”

“ _What_ did?” Leon was scratching his head. “What _was_ that?”

The following murmurs all expressed similar emotions. Confusion, anger, fear, panic… and I couldn't figure out which one described what I was feeling.

“It can't be real.” Makoto's voice, once again, pushed into my thoughts. “It just… _can't_ be.”

“It doesn't matter if it's real or not. What matters is if anyone believes it.”

Byakuya's words destroyed any idle chatter that remained. Now, where there were once fourteen students together in confusion, there instead stood fourteen players in a game of death made real by the fear and suspicion being cast by all eyes. But even then, with Monokuma's words and Byakuya’s warning ringing in my head, I felt the disconnect from the fourteen that had planted itself in me as clearly as ever.

I finally found the word I was looking for. I wasn't afraid, or suspicious, or panicked or anything like they were.

I was lost.

A lost victim in a hopeless game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you in another year suckers


End file.
